In The Dead of Night
by n7walker
Summary: Miranda can't sleep.   So she does what we all do.   She messes around on the net.   She writes a letter.   She makes some personal discoveries.   One-Shot.


Miranda sat in bed with her knees pulled to her chest. It was late and once again she was having difficulty getting to sleep. Well as close to her chest as she could manage these days. Her attention was squarely at the data pad in her lap, not really knowing what to write. She had begun writing this letter a hundred times, each one ending in complete failure. She supposed that she could take a page from Jack and put her most basic and primal feelings in the message.

_Dear Dad,_

_FUCK YOU!_

_Sincerely, Miranda_

She decided against it and deleted the message. She liked the sentiment, yet she felt it wasn't quite as polished as she would have liked. No, her father needed to know that she longer lived in fear of him finding her or Oriana. She was now above that. She had stared the apocalypse in the face and watched as death itself cowered and fled. She had been the one to confront the traitorous Illusive Man and put the conniving bastard out of his misery. Her father had created her to be perfect, and she had used that perfection to help save all life.

_Dear Father,_

No, already she didn't like the greeting. In truth he was never a father to her. He had been a genetic donor, provided financial backing, but mostly served as the bane of her existence.

_Dear Theodore,_

Well that was just stupid. No one called the man Theodore. She doubted that even those who might have known the man the entirety of his life wouldn't call him by his first name. It also implied that there was some personal connection between the two. Miranda sought no such connection with the man at all.

_Mr. Lawson,_

She didn't like that either. It sounded too formal. While she wanted to remain impersonal, she hoped to clearly project her thoughts and feelings into the message. She needed to make this man know that his presence in her life and that of her family's was not welcome.

_Hey Arse,_

Once again Jack's influence had begun to shine through.

_-INCOMING MESSAGE-_

"_Oh thank God,"_ she thought to herself. Excitement spread through Miranda at the chirp of an incoming message. She was thrilled to have anything else to take her mind off the current task at hand.

_NEW MESSAGE FROM: ALNC_OFCR_

Miranda stared at the name. It looked familiar but she couldn't place it.

_Hey LAWBRINGER, I don't know if you remember me, but we met a while back on iPARTNER. I just wanted to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. The Reaper War kinda took precedent over anything else in my life. I don't know if I told you but I'm an officer with the Alliance. Yeah, I have been real busy with the aftermath and the like. I was actually at the helm of one of the ships that destroyed the lead Reaper Harbinger._

Miranda rolled her eyes. Unless ALNC_OFCR Jeff Moreau, she doubted his story. Miranda shuttered at the thought of Joker coming onto her. While the Alliance was credited with the destruction of Harbinger, Miranda was one of the few that knew that the rachni had actually delivered the killing blow, and that was after the Normandy and geth had combined to weaken the ship exponentially. The nearest Alliance ship was a whole system away battling other Reaper vessels. She continued to read.

_I don't know if you heard, but the salarians say that the relays should be open again for civilian use within the week. I was scheduled to return to the citadel in a couple of days and wanted to know if you would like to get together for dinner or something like that. I would really like to meet you and I think that you would really enjoy meeting me. I mean how many other women can say that they spent some time with a man that killed a Reaper? _

_I hope to hear from you soon._

_Thomas_

_Enclosed is the requisite medical history._

Miranda had to refrain from laughing out loud. She looked over to the man sleeping in the bed next to her. John's light snoring confirmed that he was still in fact asleep. She noticed that he had started sleeping more peacefully in the months following the destruction of the Reapers. He still had the occasional nightmare, but thankfully they had become few and far between. She reread the last part of the message again. Thomas had asked how many women could say they spent time with a man that killed a Reaper. Well, Miranda had for one. She looked at the platinum band on her finger. She was going to marry such a man. She typed out a quick response.

_Dear Thomas,_

_Thank you for your gracious offer. I will unfortunately be unable to meet you on the Citadel. My work is going to keep me away from the Citadel for the time being. I am however, sure that a war hero such as yourself will have no trouble whatsoever finding someone to occupy your time. Might I be so bold as to recommend the Consort on the Presidium. I'm sure either she or one of her attendants will be more than accommodating._

_Best Wishes_

_Linda_

Miranda wasn't going to sign with her real name. Even now she was embarrassed that she had ever signed up for the dating service. It was supposed to be a quick way to relieve some pent up aggression. Although she had actually made plans with someone she had met on the service, she had never followed through. Seeing her soon to be husband asleep in the bed, she found herself even more relieved that she hadn't. Miranda deleted the message. John never snooped into her messages, but she wanted to erase the message nonetheless. She didn't fear that it would upset him, quite the opposite actually, she thought that he would find the whole thing hilarious and she wasn't going to allow him the satisfaction. While she loved the sound of his laughing, another trait that he had started with greater ease since the end of the Reaper War, the embarrassment she anticipated would be too much to bear. Miranda felt her attention drifting back to her previous endeavor, the letter to her father.

Sleep wasn't going to happen tonight. While her betrothed had begun to sleep soundly, she as of late had been having trouble sleeping. She slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her lover. Using the light from the fish tank, Miranda was able to dig out an old sweater from out of John's dresser. She needed to do some shopping for herself soon, maybe the next time they were on Illium. Despite his reassurances, Miranda felt fat. Her uniforms were useless. She would often leave his cabin early enough as to not be seen by the rest of the crew. She would then spend most of the day in her office. Some days she would even have her meals brought to her to avoid the glances and stares from the crew. After the recent ceremony on the Citadel, she was disgusted with how she looked in the vids. To his credit, he tried his best to reassure her of how beautiful she was. She sat down behind his desk and logged onto the computer. While he respected her privacy, Miranda couldn't help but be curious about the contents of his searches and messages.

_Search History:_

_Haliot Armory - Customization _

Once a soldier, always a soldier.

_Ancient Hanar Mythologies_

Okay, that one was strange, but he was always trying to learn about new cultures and the like.

_Citadel Formal Clothiers - Human, Male_

Miranda fought to not check the order. She wanted to be surprised by what he selected.

_Youinari Jewelers: Human, Female, Human Wedding Band, Special Order_

Again she fought herself to check the order. She could look really fast, and he would never know. She clicked on the link.

_Password:_

"Password? Why do I need a bloody password?" Miranda mumbled to herself.

"To keep you from checking things that you don't need see yet."

Miranda nearly jumped out of her seat. Sometime during her snooping, John had awaken and gotten out of bed. "I'm sorry. I didn't wake you did I?"

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "No. I Just needed to go to the bathroom. Can't sleep again?" He groggily stepped into the bathroom but she knew that he was still listening to her.

"No I can't. I just have a lot on my mind lately."

"That sounds a little forboding. Why don't you take a couple of days off. We won't reach Illium for four more days. In the meantime let Kaiden handle some of your reponsiblities." He stepped out of the bathroom. "What time is it anyways?"

Miranda gave a quick glance at the time stamp on the monitor. "01:30. No I can't just throw all my matters into Commander Alenko's lap. I can manage."

"Are you okay being awake by yourself. I'd be happy to stay up with you if you need the company."

Miranda loved that man. Even though at times during their relationship things had come to light that she hadn't been proud of, he still took the time to care for her needs. "No dear, you go back to sleep. You've earned a break. I promise that I will try to get some rest soon." He placed his arms around her, those powerful arms that she would spend the rest of her life wrapped in.

"Miri, try soon okay. Dr. Chakwas would be furious if she found out that you weren't sleeping." She nodded and kissed him goodnight. As he climbed back into bed she heard him call. "And stop snooping into my files."

She smiled coyly. "Fat chance of that."

Miranda found that her rebuttal seemed to have had very little effect if the sounds of his snores were any indication. She smiled and returned to the computer screen. He had several messages in his inbox. It annoyed her that he let his messages pile up like this. There had to be at least twenty that he had yet to open. She glanced at the most recent few.

_Emily Wong- Interview Request (Quarian/Geth Peace Treaty)_

Emily Wong wanted to talk about John's involvement in the Geth/Quarian treaty. She would get her interview, John always gave Ms. Wong what she wanted. He respected her and trusted her. For her part she returned his trust and respect.

_Tali'Zorah- Rannoch Resettlement Project_

The message from Tali was a quick one, probably just checking in. For a long time Miranda couldn't help but be jealous of the relationship between John and the quarian. But he had quelled her jealousy by reassuring her that aside from Garrus, Tali was probably his closest friend. When Garrus died during the war, John had taken it especially hard. Tali and Miranda had to stay with him around the clock while he grieved for his 'brother' as it was. After leaving the Normandy to return to her people, Tali still took time to check on her friend.

_David Anderson- Come see me when you get a chance_

Miranda read the message from Admiral Anderson suspiciously. She had tremendous respect for the man, but suspected that he was trying to lure John back into the Alliance. Miranda wasn't completely closed off to the idea, but lately John had been talking a lot about retirement. He had yet to make a decision, but she had the sneaking suspicion that Anderson knew and wanted to keep that from happening.

_Shadow Broker- Info about current Rachni location_

Liara T'Soni. Miranda didn't know what it was about the woman that she found so irritating. Well yes she did. The Asari had been John's lover years ago. Miranda knew that being jealous of the woman was absurd. She was to be married to the man in the matter of months. With all that was currently happening in her body, she knew that she would be connected to the man forever. What bothered Miranda most was the thought of John and Liara together. She knew that when an asari mates with another, that it goes beyond the physical realm. It troubled her that he had experienced a passion beyond her understanding. She often wondered just how she measured up to those experiences.

_Heather Hackett- Thank you for my father's kind eulogy_

The letter from Admiral Hackett's daughter was a short poignant one. Hackett had perished in the Reaper attack of Tchunka. Despite being outnumbered, the Admiral led a joint-species fleet and repelled and destroyed the Reapers before they were able to lay waste to the krogan homeworld. Hackett had been killed when a piece of one of the destroyed Reapers collided with the bridge of his ship in a scene eerily reminiscent of Soverign's destruction at the Citadel years before. The krogans were insistant on decorating the man with a memorial service fit for a warrior. John had been the one to deliver the powerful eulogy that broadcast across the entire universe.

Miranda scanned through the rest of the messages, nothing stood out. Miranda had hoped that there would be something to take her mind away from the thoughts that had been driving at her for a week. The message to her father had been the main scource of her lack of concentration as of late.

_Father,_

_I am unsure of how many filters this will go through before it reaches your hands. I'm sure there will even be some of your siccofants that will try to either edit or hide this communique. You are surrounded by so many people that live in fear of you. Let me begin by saying that I am not one of these people. I fear nothing. This is not a statement made in impudence. This is a state of fact._

Miranda hand hovered over the backspace key yet again. What she had written was absolutely true. She knew that there could be many hands that saw the letter before it reached its target audience. She also knew that by writing that she had no fear, it might be interpreted as a challenge to the man. Blame it on surviving the end of days. Twice. Three times if she wanted to get technical.. She started again.

_By now I am sure that you know that I am no longer under the protection of Cerberus. Well what's left of Cerberus anyway after the death of that leech Illusive Man. I want you truly think about the previous comment. I don't believe that you are naïve enough to think this means that I am susceptible to any sort of retribution from you. What is little known is that I am the one who pulled the trigger on that spineless traitor. Yes I killed a man that was supposedly untouchable. He tried to sell out the Citadel species to buy humanity a pass from the Reaper holocaust._

Miranda drifted back to that moment those months ago. They had suffered tremendous losses in the war with the Reapers. They had been able to stave off the destruction of Tchunka, but lost a huge chunk of the fleet, not to mention Hackett. Palaven, the Turian homeworld had all but been destroyed. Billions of Turians had been killed, Garrus Vakarian among them. The Reapers had launched an attack on a Volus colony in a nearby system. The Turian Hierarchy launched their fleet to help repel the attack. What no one suspected was that the Reapers assault was a distraction. Palaven was open to a blitzkrieg attack from Harbinger and his ilk. In the aftermath, it was discovered by Liara T'Soni, that it was the Illusive Man that sent the Turians a bogus distress call. Using her information as the Shadow Broker, she was able to pinpoint the Illusive Man's position. When the Normandy crew arrived aboard the Cerberus station, it had been an ugly firefight. They had lost Jacob in the battle. When they finally confronted the Illusive Man his cool demeanor was nowhere to be found. He screamed at them that he was justified in his actions. He scolded Miranda for her actions. He actually begged for his life. When she saw the look in her beloved's eyes she saw a look of hopelessness and unyielding rage. She stepped forward and pressed her own weapon against the bastard's head. It wasn't that she thought he wouldn't have killed the treacherous snake, she feared that he would have been lost in the act. Miranda killed the devil to save her angel.

_I hope you can forgive my fiance for not asking for your blessing when he asked for my hand in marriage. A twisted part of me enjoys the fact that when I marry him I take his name and by extension I will be existing as a part of HIS dynasty, no longer yours. He has chosen to love me for all the reasons that you chose not to. He loves me for my faults, my mistakes, and my misgivings. He has given me more in our time together than you were able to give me. He has given me purpose. He has given me love and protection. Protection in the knowledge that there is no end that he will not go through to protect the ones he loves. This goes for Oriana as well. She has been given a life that you could have never given her. She has been given a life filled with love. She has told me that she's being followed on several occasions. My own contacts, which are much better than yours, whether you choose to believe or not, have told me that you are the financial backer for these instances. I will spare Oriana the details of the fates of the men that were following her. But I'm sure after they quit reporting back, you figured out their lives had been negated. _

She glanced over to the bed again to see John had rolled over towards her side and was now spooning with her pillow. Miranda looked at the holo on John's desk. It was of Miranda, Oriana, and John. It had been taken right after the destruction of Harbinger. The Normandy had touched down at Arcturus. Among the celebrations and memorandums, Miranda had noticed a familiar face in the crowd. Her sister Oriana was among the many revelers. Oriana had informed her older sister that she was beginning her education at on Arcturus. Despite her initial protests of her younger sister joining the Alliance, Miranda's opinion had been swayed by John's assurances that the Alliance would value Oriana's gifts and intellect. The holo had been taken the last night before the Normandy headed back to the Citadel to assist in efforts there. It was shortly after that Miranda had received word that Oriana was being followed. To her surprise this seemed to send John into a frenzy. John had become protective of Oriana. Through Liara, they were able to track down the men following her and eliminated the threat.

_Oriana. I find myself very protective of my family as of late. I'm sure you have seen the vids and holos. So I would assume that the reasons for my newfound sense of family would be obvious. I don't know what your plan was with that, but it didn't seem to take. Actually my salarian doctor was insulted at the ease of how quickly it was corrected. That's right your daughter has been poked and prodded by aliens. I can't help but recall the last time we shared a dinner table as father and daughter. I often wonder if it was the wine or your critique of my eveningwear that finally pushed me over the edge. I like to think that it may have been a combination of the two. I remember the look of shock on the faces of the staff to see us draw on each other and open fire. For years my largest regret was lacking the ability to finish you off. Again I blame the wine. Even when I returned for Oriana, I was disappointed that I arrived at your estate to find that you were in fact away at the time. When I was forced to save Oriana from you I vowed that I would never let you hurt either of us ever again. I even went through a stage where I planned to kill you if need be. Let me tell you now that you shouldn't worry about that any longer. Given that you back off that is. Miranda and Oriana Lawson are not your daughters any longer. It is time that you realize that even if you were to somehow capture us, that there would be severe consequences._

Miranda felt a sense of defiance swelling in her. She wanted her father to know that should he have the inclination to try and harm his daughters, that the man sleeping not five meters away from her, would go through no ends to find and rescue the sisters. She was a little relieved that her father could not at that exact moment, see the aforementioned hero, who was what could only be described as molesting Miranda's pillow. She watched amused and perhaps a little perturbed at the sight of her lover pawing and groping the large cushion. Shaking her head at the undignified act, she started to return to the letter. Miranda felt her stomach lurch and groan.

"Again?" She mumbled to herself. "I just ate a couple of hours ago." Pulling on a robe, she made her way to the lift. She presumed that she could get something from the mess without her appearance causing to much of a stir. When the lift doors opened on the third level Miranda was pleased to find that there was no crew in the vicinity. Not surprising given the hour. The only crewmembers awake right now would be the skeleton crew on the CIC. Despite the many things she considered herself to be good at, food preparation was not on that list. Rummaging though the food stores she was only able to find a few thing that she could prepare on her own. However none of them seemed to be what she was craving. She actually contemplated waking Gardner up to make her something. John, she was surprised was an excellent cook, it came with growing up a farmer, he'd told her the first time he had cooked for her. Perhaps she could wake him and get him to cook something. This whole situation was his fault to begin with.

"Miranda?" She had been so preoccupied by her hunger that she failed to realize that she wasn't alone. Miranda turned to see Kaiden Alenko sitting at the table alone.

"Commander Alenko? What are you doing awake?"

Kaiden stood and walked over to the mess counter. "I'm on duty, I just came down for some coffee. Care for a cup?" Miranda shook her head. She really did have every intention of trying to get some sleep tonight. "What brings you to the mess at this hour?"

"Hunger."

Alenko seemed to realize what she was talking about and chuckled politely. "Well have a seat and I'll whip up something for you. Is turkey on wheat acceptable? That's about as far as my culinary repetoire extends."

Miranda laughed. "Yes, thank you, that sounds great."

"I may not be as polished as the Captain in a kitchen, but I can make a decent sandwich. Of course I guess that comes with…"

"…_growing up a farmer."_ they laughingly said in unison.

Miranda was pleased that Kaiden had included a small bag of chips and a bottled water with the sandwich. They chatted for a bit while he put the final touches to his 'masterpiece'. Miranda found it strange that Kaiden remained aboard the Normandy. He was still an active member of the Alliance Navy. John had once told her that the one thing that held Kaiden back from being a great leader was his lack of faith in himself. His self confidence had taken a major hit when he had led the mission that resulted in the death of Kasumi. Lately however he had been doing much better. During the attack on Harbinger, it had been Kaiden that had coordinated the battle plan with the geth and rachni. Their conversation was interrupted by EDI. "Commander Alenko, you are needed on the CIC."

"Thank you EDI." He turned back to Miranda. "I'm sorry Ms. Lawson, but duty calls."

"Of course Commander." She watched as he took curt bow and left the mess hall. Miranda sat down at the table alone.

_Well this is just unacceptable,_ she thought to herself. She got up and made her way up to the cabin. She didn't mind eating alone with John sleeping in the same room, but she refused to eat alone in a dark mess hall. Miranda returned to the cabin to find that John had stopped mauling her pillow. She sat down at his desk and began to enjoy her meal. Alenko was correct, he did make a decent sandwich. She turned back to the message to her father.

_Sometimes I think I would like to ask you some questions. I would ask you what the point of it was. You wanted an empire. You wanted a legacy. Why daughters? It would have had to occur to you that we would be smart enough to leave and pursue our own goals. What was your endgame? I don't expect any answers. I don't want answers. I just wish that I had some vision of your idea for your dynasty. For years I surrounded myself with men that I thought were the opposite of you. Men that were too easily manipulated and used to whatever I willed. That changed when I met John. I met a man that was strong and confident. He is powerful and commanding, able to bring the Citadel to their knees, and yet he retains his compassion for all living life. These were traits that I had never before seen in a man._

Miranda again looked to the sleeping man. She had told him thousands of times that she loved him. She knew that he loved her back. Words however, had never felt powerful enough to portray her true feelings on the matter . She longed to have someway of letting him know that she was truly a better person with him in her life. She often wondered if the Asari melding ritual somehow was able to convey those feelings; that if Liara had been able to express similar feelings to John. She pushed those thoughts away. John hadn't chosen Liara, he'd chosen her. He asked Miranda to marry him even before they had found out about her current physical state. When she had found out, it was the most unusual feeling that Miranda had ever experienced. She knew that it was a possibility, especially after Mordin's corrections, but she was unsure how to tell John. When she had finally told him, his face lit up. He carried her from the couch to their bed and proceeded to undress her. While she hadn't exactly been in the mood at the time, she was surprised when he stopped and gently rested his head upon her abdomen. She watched as he ran his hands along the side of her belly. He whispered softly, his words falling just short of her ears hearing them. It was at that moment when Miranda realized the magnitude of her love for the man. Her life was about to become something that she hadn't realized until that moment, she had always dreamt of.

_I began this letter as a communique of warning. A message telling you to stay out of my life and away from my family. While the sentement remains true, I'd also like to expand my thoughts. I don't think that I hate you anymore. Don't get me wrong, there is no part of me that seeks any type of reconciliation. I just want you to know that I no longer live in fear of any type of retribution from you. I am beyond the fear and anger. At this point in my life I am at complete peace. I am ready to begin my new life, and release the chains that tethered me to my past. Goodbye Father. I hope that you one day realize the error of your ways. _

_Earnestly_

_Miranda Shepard_

Miranda felt it strange yet slightly appropriate to sign off using John's surname. Sure it was premature, the wedding was still weeks away._ She closed the letter. She still debated on how and if she would send the letter. She was curious about her father's reaction. And while she was sure that she would never know, she was content in her knowledge that she had finally been able to put her feelings on the matter into words. Miranda turned off the desk lamp._

"_EDI?"_

_The AI answered immediately. "Yes Ms. Lawson?"_

"_Can you alert Ms. Chambers that I won't be in my office in the morning? I would also like to clear the Captain's schedule until after lunch. Can you also change the wakeup alarm to 09:30?"_

"_Yes Ms. Lawson. I will make the necessary changes."_

"_Can you also send the message that I just uploaded to my data pad."_

_The AI took a slight pause. "Message is sent. Is there anything else Ms. Lawson?"_

_Miranda slipped out of her robe and climbed back into bed. John wrapped his arms around her, his hand resting on her ever growing stomach. "Yes EDI. Can you call me Mrs. Shepard?" _

"_Very well. Good night Mrs. Shepard."_


End file.
